Another Step Towards Crazy

First it was homeschooling.  Then it was homemade hotdog buns.  Homemade swiffer covers.  Homemade yogurt.  Homemade sausage.  And now it's homemade marshmallows.  Yes, it's a slippery slope to crazy - pretty soon I'll be wearing prairie dresses, growing my own wheat, and baking bread in a solar oven out in my yard.  I'll have seven more babies and name them all Henry.  I'll grow my hair to my waist, and when I'm a guest in some misguided, grocery store frequenting, white flour eating woman's home I'll take one bite of her cornbread and say, "You don't grind your own cornmeal, do you?"

Somebody stop me!  Please!  But not yet, because these marshmallows are awesome.  Anemone and I made them using a recipe from one of the many cookbooks she checks out of the library each week - Jam It, Pickle It, Cure It and Other Cooking Projects by Karen Solomon.  (I like this gal - she has a recipe to make your own bacon.  BACON!  If only I had three pounds of pork belly handy...)  

Then put 1/3 cup of water (I used bottled water because my tap water tastes funny) in your trusty Kitchen-Aid mixer and sprinkle three 1/4 oz. packets of unflavored gelatin over it.  Let it sit for ten minutes.

You will end up with a nasty, rubbery gelatin pancake that looks like something you left in the back of the fridge for months, and you and your daughter will poke it and prod it and say, "Ewwww!" and be so grossed out that you forget to take pictures.

Now clip a candy thermometer to the side of a saucepan (making sure Anemone doesn't let it touch the bottom of the pan) and combine 1 cup of light corn syrup, 1 cup of granulated sugar, 1/3 cup of water, and a dash of kosher salt.  Cook on medium high heat, NOT stirring, to 240 degrees.  It doesn't take very long, so stop playing around with the gelatin pancake and pay attention.

With your Kitchen-Aid on low speed, pour the sugar syrup over the gelatin (Anemone really wanted to do this part, but I just couldn't let her - I've had too many bad experiences with hot sugar syrup) and add 1 teaspoon of vanilla.  Increase the speed to medium high and beat for 8-13 minutes, until it looks like this:

Oil a spatula (or a non-stick rice server - Anemone has such good ideas) and spread the marshmallow mixture into the sugared baking dish.  

The directions said to smooth out the top with your wet hands, but we decided to skip that part.  We don't do perfect food around here.

Let it sit for about an hour.  While you're waiting, you can hose down your Goobs.  Somehow they've gotten warm marshmallow goop in their eyelashes.

After the marshmallow goop has set up, run a knife along the edges to loosen it and then dump it out onto a rimmed cookie sheet you've filled with powdered sugar.  Stand back and admire the biggest marshmallow you've ever seen, then use a sharp, wet knife to cut into squares.

Coat the squares in powdered sugar.  I wish I could describe to you the texture of these mallows - they're just so marshmallow-y.  I ate many marshmallows.  So will you.

Dunk the ones you didn't eat in hot chocolate.  Oh.  Oh, my.

Somebody help me.  I don't want to wear prairie dresses.

Even More Cookies

Probably every family has a recipe that is such a huge pain in the butt to make that Mom (or Grandma, or Aunt Raylene, or Great Aunt Tillie) refuses to make them even though they're her favorite because nobody else really likes them all that much and she can't see doing all that work simply for her own enjoyment.

In our family, that recipe is mincemeat cookies.  

Mincemeat Cookies

• 2 sticks of butter (all the good cookie recipes start out with 2 sticks of butter)
• 1/2 pound grated cheddar
• 2 cups flour
• 1 jar of prepared mincemeat (I love my mom, but not quite enough to make my own mincemeat)

Cream butter and cheese.  Add flour; mix well and chill.  Roll out on a floured surface and cut into 2" circles (or, if you can't locate the little glass you use to cut 2" circles in cookie dough once a year, use the smallest roundish cookie cutter you own and bake them a little longer than directed.)  Sandwich 1 teaspoon of mincemeat between two cookies.  Press edges with fork to seal and prick tops) and bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes.

There you go, Mom.  Don't say I never did anything for you.

More Cookies

Probably every family has a traditional holiday recipe that is a huge pain in the butt to make and, while tasty, does not quite justify the effort involved, but since Great Great Granny Price made them when she was alive, by God, so will we, because Great Aunt Tillie is coming and you know how she is.

In our family, that recipe is buckeyes.

Don't get me wrong.  They're good.  They're actually very good.  But I find they only reach their full potential when someone else makes them.  Since I've been put in charge of the cookie baking this year (thanks, Mom) I'm going to save you the trouble and not give you the recipe.  If you want a buckeye, go purchase a pack of peanut butter cups.  They're almost as good.

Okay.  I'm kidding.  You can have the recipe.  But you have to promise to take over the cookie baking for me next year.  And you have to promise me to be careful.  I once had an unfortunate double boiler accident (I'm using the term "double boiler" here very loosely - no West Virginian worth her salt would stoop to buying a double boiler when she's got two kettles handy) while making these and I am still suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome.  I'm not kidding.  My hands were shaking the entire time I was making these.  The things I do for family.

Buckeyes

• 2 sticks butter
• 1 1/2 cups peanut butter
• 1 pound powdered sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 package semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 1/2 stick paraffin

Combine the butter, peanut butter, powdered sugar and vanilla; mix well.  Form into 103 balls roughly the size of a buckeye.  (Bite sized, for those of you who have never seen a buckeye.)  Place on waxed paper to await their turn in the chocolate bath.

In a double boiler - please use a double boiler and not two tin pots stuck together - melt the 1/2 stick of paraffin. 

The paraffin is to make the chocolate shiny and dippable - is that a word? - and is what folks in West Virginia used to make candies before you could run down to Michael's and buy those chocolate buttons.  You still can't do that in our corner of West Virginia, but we do have internet access so I suppose we could order the chocolate buttons if we were so inclined.  I like to follow family traditions, but I'm a suburban homeschool mom now and the idea of eating wax makes me squeamish (even though none of us has suffered any ill effects from it - RickyJoe's always been that way, you can't blame the buckeyes) so I use substantially less paraffin than what the recipe calls for.  "Substantially less" means "1 tablespoon, grated."  The chocolate is thicker that way, and not quite as shiny, but I don't care.  Please don't tell my Great Aunt Tillie. 

Add the chocolate chips to the paraffin and stir until completely melted. 

Dip the 103 peanut butter balls into the chocolate with a toothpick and place back on the waxed paper.  Unless you want fingerprints all over your buckeyes, use another toothpick to transfer them to the cookie platter.  Or to the plastic shoe box you're about to stick in the freezer.  Whatever.

Cookies

Probably every family has a traditional Christmas cookie recipe that is a huge pain in the butt to make and tastes like crap, but Great Aunt Tillie's taste buds died long ago and she thinks it's just fabulous, and she's going to be in town this year because her son Jeb and his wife have gone on a cruise so guess what's on the menu?  That damn traditional Christmas cookies recipe that is a huge pain in the butt to make and tastes like crap.

In our family, that recipe is Date Pinwheels. 

This is the first year I've ever had to bake Date Pinwheels.  I haven't had them since the last time Great Aunt Tillie spent Christmas with us.  I was only five, but I distinctly remember spitting a bite of date pinwheel into the garbage can while my ever so proper grandmother looked on in horror.  In fact, that's how I knew I baked the cookies correctly - I tasted one and then I spit it out into the garbage can while my ever so proper daughter looked on in horror.

They taste like such crap that I am not going to give you the recipe.  But I will give you the recipe to these beauties:

They are pecan cups.  Like date pinwheels, they are a pain in the butt to make, but they are so worth it!  They freeze very well; actually, my favorite way to eat them is straight out of the freezer with a cup of coffee.  Just don't eat them right out of the oven.  Just.  Don't.  The sugar syrup will make you cry, and not in that good way.

Pecan Cups

Crust:

• 2 sticks of butter
• 6 ounces cream cheese
• 2 cups flour

Combine butter, cream cheese and flour; mix well.  Press into mini muffin tins.

Filling:

• 1 cup chopped pecans
• 2 cups brown sugar
• 4 egg yolks
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 5 tablespoons melted butter

Combine pecans, sugar, egg yolks, vanilla and melted butter and mix well.  Spoon into the cups.  Do not over fill; the filling will run over and burn.  Bake at 350 degrees for 15 - 20 minutes; check often during baking.  Makes 3 dozen.

Blackberry Fool

This is another winner from Martha Stewart's Everyday Food.  It's so good that you'd be a fool not to make it.  Har, har.  It's supposed to serve 8 people, unless you're making it for this family.  Then it serves three. 

Blackberry Fool

2 cups blackberries (8 oz. total) plus more for garnish (I used one 12 oz. bag of frozen blackberries)

1/2 cup sugar (use more - I think Martha's taste buds are dying)

1 teaspoon lemon juice

2 cups heavy cream

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

In a blender, combine berries, sugar, extra sugar, and lemon juice; blend until smooth.  Press through a fine-mesh sieve.  Discard seeds, transfer 1/2 cup berry puree to a small bowl and chill; reserve for topping.

In large bowl, combine cream and vanilla (and more sugar) and whip until stiff peaks form.  Gently fold remaining berry puree into cream.  Spoon mixture into custard cups.  Cover loosely and chill one hour or overnight.  Drizzle with topping and garnish with extra blackberries.