The Duck Soup Guide To Keeping Your Nest Clean

I am living proof that it is possible to knit things, read things, teach things, and blog all about it while keeping the house clean without hired help or nervous breakdowns.  Because I love my readers, I will share the secrets of my success. 

1.  Lower your standards.  Not too much; just a little.  The toilet has to be clean, but it does not have to be clean enough to serve dinner on.  The dust on the lamps must be dealt with on a semi-regular basis, but the dust on top of the door frames can wait forever.  The dishes must be washed, but you should not worry about the mess under the sink.

2. Delegate tasks.  This will be easy once you have come to terms with number one on the list.  Neither your husband nor your children could possibly do anything as well as you can, so cut them a little slack and accept their feeble but good hearted efforts.  Remember, if you want something done you must tell someone about it.  Do not expect your family to volunteer, because they won't.  Know this, accept this, and start barking orders.  You could also make sweet and gentle suggestions.  Whatever suits your personal temperament and gets your people moving.

3. Don't make things harder than they need to be.  It's housework, not high art or genetic research.  If the floor needs mopped, mop it.  Don't make your own special floor cleaner.  Don't use a toothbrush.  Don't make the mistake of getting down on your hands and knees - you'll just decide to scrub the baseboards while you're down there and before you know it, it's 4:00 and you haven't graded the math papers.  Just mop that floor and get on with your life. 

4. Make things easier than they are now.   Do you hate to dust?  Then decorate your house in a way which makes it easier.  Box up all the Precious Moments figurines your Auntie Helen gave you and get rid of those mini-blinds.  They are evil.  Arrange your books library style, with the spines even with the edge, and then stop dusting your bookshelves.  You can dust the shelves behind the books when you move, or your children can do it for you when you die; whichever comes first.  Are the tops of your books dusty?  For shame!  You are not reading enough and neither are your children.  Also, you must remember that dogs shed, cats poop in the house, and children throw up a lot.  If any of these things trigger your psychotic episodes, give the dog away, put the cat out, and only serve clear liquids to the children - no grape juice or Tropical Punch Kool-Aid.

5.  Have some sort of routine.  I borrowed mine from FlyLady, but of course you are a smart woman and can come up with your own housekeeping routines just as well.  Routines do not drag you down or change you from a free spirit to a dull housewife with lanky hair.  Routines help to get you through your chores quickly, freeing you to do the important things, like reading to your children or showing your husband how much you appreciate the masterful way in which he cleaned the bathtub this morning.

6. Put stuff away when you're done with it.  It's funny how this simple rule can knock seemingly intelligent people for a loop.  When you're done with something, put it back where you found it!  This means put the ingredients of your meal away as soon as you measure them out.  This means put your crafting material away when you step away from the table.  This means when you are done with your hair dryer, put it in the cabinet.  Yes, I know you'll use it again tomorrow, but it takes 2 seconds to get it out of the cabinet and plug it in.  I am sure you will have 2 seconds to spare tomorrow morning.  A reminder - this rule need not apply to books and yarn.  Books and yarn are gorgeous and serve to beautify any surface they might be lying on.

7. Entertain often.  Invite friends over for coffee at least twice a week.  It's amazing how company can inspire us to keep the worst of the mess under control.  You wouldn't want your dearest friends walking on a sticky floor, would you?

There.  I would have liked to list 10 secrets, but I couldn't come up with more than seven.  Keeping my nest clean is the easiest part of homemaking for me because there is really no thought involved.    Making that clean house feel like a home is more complicated, and I will address that issue at a later date.