Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t like to read aloud? See, this is the sort of thing that would make a mere mortal, such as myself, feel better. You should focus more on your shortcomings. That would really work for me.

Well, why not? I have LOADS of shortcomings! Let’s keep it confined to homeschooling, though. If we start talking about ALL my shortcomings, I might start drinking again.

• I don’t like reading aloud.

That is putting it mildly. “Reading aloud makes me wonder why the hell I ever thought I should be a mother,” is more accurate. 

• I don’t like science.

“Why…?”

“Physics.”

“How…?” 

“Complicated physics.”

“How…?”

“Even more complicated physics.” 

“Why…?”

“Dammit! It’s magic. MAGIC. Go read your chapter.” 

Next year JellyMan will study physics. May his questions finally be answered! Until then, I’ll continue to refer him to Dr. Feynman.

• I don’t like having books in my pantry.

Nor do I particularly enjoy having pencil stubs all over the house, eraser bits all over the table, art projects all over the counter, papers all over the floor, white boards all over the wall. 

• I don’t like crafty educational projects.

I refuse to screw around with salt dough maps, popsicle stick bridges, literary hand puppets, edible cells, or anything else that makes any given lesson thirty times longer than it needs to be.

• I don’t like homeschooling. 

UNschooling is looking better and better every day, but that’s probably just my inner slug talking.

Must. Ignore. The slug.

Look at those $13,000 teeth!

Math: JM completed lessons 42-74 in Saxon Advanced Math and did some SAT prep. Anemone completed lessons 48-60 in Saxon Algebra 2. 

These are blossoms from a jade vine.

Latin: JM translated 299-386 of Cicero’s First Oration Against Catiline and completed exercises 31-40 of Henle Third Year Latin. He also took the National Latin Exam (level III) and earned a gold medal. Anemone completed exercises 324-332 of Henle First Year Latin. She also took the National Latin Exam (level I) and earned a silver medal.

Anemone stomps JellyMan every. single. time.

Greek: JM finished chapter 23b of Athenaze Book 2. Then he got frustrated and went back to the beginning of the book. He did chapter 16a this week. He also translated lines 1-10 of Xenophon’s Anabasis. Anemone did weeks 13-15 of Elementary Greek Book 2.

We finally tried California Pizza Kitchen. I liked the crust.

Logic: Anemone didn’t do any logic at all for several weeks, forgot an awful lot of material, then redid chapter 6 of Traditional Logic 2.

Anemone’s got new glasses to go with her new teeth.

English: JM read Beowulf and wrote a 5 page essay. He also read “The Monsters and the Critics” and “On Fairy Stories” by Tolkien and Cymbeline by Shakespeare. He worked through chapters 1-17 of The New Oxford Guide to Writing, and did some vocabulary/SAT prep. Also, he’s writing a screenplay for Script Frenzy. The goal is 100 pages; he has written 45 pages so far. Anemone is still working through Essay Voyage. She finished Bullfinch’s Mythology, read a good portion of Ovid’s Metamorphoses before SHE LOST JM’S FAVORITE BOOK OH MY GOODNESS THE DRAMA, and is reading The Iliad (Fagles translation). She’s also listening to the Iliad of Homer lecture series and the recording by Derek Jacobi. 

My new favorite bread recipe is a white/whole wheat/rye blend.

History: JM read chapters 10-11 of Spielvogel’s Western Civilization and listened to lectures 1-9 of the High Middle Ages series. Anemone outlined some pages in her history book. (I don’t know which pages, exactly, because Anemone is asleep and I don’t feel like searching through her messy history binder.)

A hibiscus flower. Because they’re everywhere.

Science: JM completed chapters 6-8 of The Cosmos and watched lectures 28-40 of Understanding the Universe. Anemone has been watching the Joy of Science lecture series and continues to outline Science Matters.

JellyMan bought himself a ukelele! Hahaha!

Fine Arts: The Goobs had to quit piano lessons due to circumstances beyond their control, but they continue to play daily and we hope to start lessons again soon. They’ve taken advantage of the break by focusing on what makes them happy - JM is experimenting with jazz, and Anemone is playing Chopin songs that are much too hard for her. JellyMan has been busy with drama; fourteen hours or so every week on rehearsals, set building, publicity stunts, Latin translations, workshops, etc. Thankfully his tech job is over, but they’re doing it again this summer. Also, Shakesfest is coming up, and God only knows how much time that will take. Oh, and he’s editing Agamemnon - he and a bunch of friends want to film it this summer. Oh, and he saw Spring Awakening and The Importance of Being Earnest with some drama buddies. Anemone is dancing. Dancing, dancing, dancing. 6 dances, 10 classes, 17 hours. She also tagged along with JellyMan to The Importance of Being Earnest. They watched several Shakespeare movies, and watched the Playing Shakespeare series.

Another pretty island drive.

We’ve also been to the beach, the library, the hospital, the orthodontist, the optometrist, the barber shop, the grocery store, the post office, the mall, blah, blah, blah. Life. We’re living it.

This toad peed in Anemone’s roller blade. I laughed.

Math: JellyMan completed Saxon Advanced Math and Understanding Calculus. But because of this and that and the other thing, we decided that he should take the rest of the year to re-do the Advanced Math book. He finished lesson #41 this week. Anemone is slowly but surely working through Saxon Algebra 2, and has completed lesson #47.

JM saw the Italian inscription on the inside of his Il Dottore mask and thought it was bad Latin. I laughed.

Latin: JellyMan translated lines 98-289 of Cicero’s First Oration Against Catiline and completed exercises 9-30 of Henle Third Year Latin. He also translated many lines of Macbeth into Latin for his drama group to perform. (That makes me SO proud!) Anemone is struggling, and I’m not quite sure what the problem is - she knows the conjugations and declensions cold, but she has trouble applying that knowledge to the translation exercises. We’ll just continue going very slowly, and I’m sure she’ll work it out. She finished exercise #324 of Henle First Year Latin this week.

Greek: JellyMan completed chapter 22b of Athenaze Book 2. Anemone finished week 12 of Elementary Greek Book 2. Greek is hard, y’all.

Logic: Anemone completed chapters 3-6 of Traditional Logic 2.

These birds pooped all over the fence and The Goobs had to clean it up. I laughed.

English: JellyMan finshed Classical Rhetoric with Aristotle and wrote 1-2 essays every 1-2 weeks. Anemone finished Rod & Staff English 8 and is a few lessons into Essay Voyage. She finished The Hobbit and read most of The Jungle Books, and now she’s about halfway through Bullfinch’s Mythology.

Me: “Really, you guys? Really? That’s all?”

Anemone: “Well, I read all the Percy Jackson books. Oh, and The Pointe Book. Oh! And some of that other ballet book I got for Christmas!”

JellyMan: “I’ve been busy, you know! I reread The Art of War. And I read most of the Shakespeare Song Book. And Macbeth and Saturday Night at the Pahala Theater. And The Walking Dead comics. Hahaha!”

Anemone: “Oh, oh! I read those too! Hahaha!”

Me: “Har-dee-har-har-har.”

JellyMan: “And I started writing a historical TV mini-series.”

Anemone: “Yeah, and I read Jurassic Park. Twice.”

JellyMan: “Didn’t you read The Book of Lost Things?”

Anemone: “No.”

JellyMan: “But you carried it around with you for a month!”

Anemone: “But I didn’t read it!”

JellyMan: “Why won’t you read it? It’s great!”

Anemone: “I don’t want to read it! I don’t want to read it! Stop pressuring me!”

Me: “My eyes! My eyes!”

Awwwwwwww!

History: JellyMan read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, St. Augustine’s Confessions, The Rule of St. Benedict, and Bede’s Ecclesiastical History of the English People. He also read chapter 9 of Spielvogel’s Western Civilization and finished listening to the 24 lectures in the Early Middle Ages series. Anemone outlined pages 330-371 of DK’s History: The Definitive Visual Guide. We also watched a few history documentaries, but the only one I can recall at the moment was about the Greely expedition.

JM did an awesome Gloucester!

Science: I don’t want to talk about science, but I will. JellyMan watched lectures 13-27 of Understanding the Universe and completed chapters 4-5 of The Cosmos. Anemone got through four chapters of Miller & Levine Biology before we got sick of it yelling at us all the time. (Look at THIS! Now look at THIS! Wow! Hey, look, a rhino!!!) Now she’s outlining Science Matters. 

Look! It’s a princess!

Fine Arts: “Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.” - Inigo Montoya

Music: The Goobs are still taking piano lessons and practicing at least an hour every day. They had their recital in November; JellyMan played Clementi’s Sonatina Opus 36, No. 4 and “Imagine” by John Lennon. Anemone played Clementi’s Sonatina Op. 36, No. 3 and “November Rain” by Axl Rose. Ha! Hahaha! They also played a duet, but I can’t remember which one and nobody is home to ask. They were terrific!

They hate playing duets. I laugh.

Dance: The Goobs have continued with ballroom dancing lessons and have learned the bolero, the waltz, the samba, the foxtrot, and East and West coast swing. I LOVE watching them dance. JellyMan likes to spin his partners as hard as he can, and Anemone is determined to keep a full three feet of dead space between her and whoever she’s dancing with. And she wants to lead, dammit. Anemone is still spending about 17 hours per week at her ballet studio. Those hours increased substantially during rehearsals and production of The Nutcracker; she was a princess, and she was beautiful. BEAUTIFUL.

Drama: The Goobs went together to see a production of Oedipus Rex put on by one of the community colleges. JellyMan went to see The House of Blue Leaves at the University of Hawaii with his drama peeps. They also had a movie night at their theatre and watched an old version of Macbeth. He and his group put on a fantastic show in December, and they’ve had several master classes and workshops, including Mask, Shakespeare, Voice, Physical Acting, Stage Combat, TaKeTiNa, Slam Poetry, and Commedia dell’Arte. They also put in many hours making masks for their upcoming production of Macbeth, and they meet three times per week to rehearse. JellyMan has also been working about 16 hours a week doing tech at a local theatre.

What, no lightsabers?

Other Schoolish Stuff: The Goobs listened to me read about half of Bill Bryson’s Made in America: An Informal History of the English Language in the United States aloud before my voice gave out. (I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I HATE READING OUT LOUD. I always have.) The Goobs took their standardized tests and scored high enough that I can be an obnoxious braggart whenever I feel like it. JellyMan also decided to participate in the North American Computational Linguistics Olympiad after watching a lecture series on linguistics, and Anemone has baked many cakes and cookies.

Other Not Schoolish Stuff: The Goobs got their braces off! Woo-hoo! Also, we’re debt free! AGAIN! Just in time to buy next year’s school books…

Pattern: based on the Quaker Ridge stitch pattern in Barbara Walker’s A Treasury of Knitting Patterns

Yarn: Berroco Comfort (the least obnoxious synthetic yarn I’ve come across)

Needles: U.S. size 8

I knit up this lap robe for a charity drive for the chapel at Fort Bragg. I guess it’s a little chilly in there, and one of the volunteers thought it would be nice if the families awaiting their fallen soldiers could wrap up in pretty handknit items. So I knit this lap robe, thinking good thoughts about all our brave men and women and their families at home. I packed it up, and just as I used the last little bit of packing tape, I saw the card I meant to enclose lying on my desk. I didn’t want to run to the store for more tape, so I sent the lady an email to let her know the package was on the way. I mailed the box and promptly forgot all about it - until yesterday. Yesterday I thought to myself, “Self, you haven’t heard from the lady at Fort Bragg, why don’t you recheck that email and make sure you sent it to the right address.” So I did, and I saw that I had breezily written, “I’m sorry it took me so long to finish this. I hope your chapel can still use it.” 

Oh. What a horrid thing to say.

“Self, it’s no wonder you haven’t heard from her! And just so you know, self, this is why you shouldn’t try to talk to people. Self, it’s bad enough that your Goobs have to put up with you; stop inflicting yourself on society………blah, blah, blah………negative internal dialogue……….blah, blah, blah……..” 

HOW MUCH I LOVE MY MOTHER!

Lots. I love her lots.

I didn’t take the best pictures, I’m afraid. This next one, for instance, was taken at 1:30 a.m. with an iPhone. I was flirting with insanity at this point.

It took me 1,000 pins and 16 hours to block it. Sixteen. Hours. I didn’t measure the sweat and the tears, but I lost about half a teaspoon of blood. Please don’t tell my mother I got blood all over her tablecloth.

Pattern: Square-A-Day Table Cloth

Yarn: 17 pkgs Aunt Lydia’s crochet thread, size 10

Hook: 1.5 mm (U.S. size 7)

Modifications: Added 10 rounds of edging

I was on the phone with her when she opened it. She said, “Oh, I needed a new lace tablecloth! But why did you open it? What did you do with the bag?” Then came a short period of incoherent squealing and a mad dash to clear the table. 

I done good.

I don’t have any true resolutions this year, just a very short, housewifey to-do list for 2012.

• Draft and sew a button-up shirt
• Crochet a bedspread
• Reduce food budget by 20%
• Attend church at least semi-regularly
• Refinish patio furniture

Of course, I’d also like to lose 20 pounds, become fluent in ancient Greek, and earn a million dollars, but that’s more of a wish list than a to-do list at this point.

Happy New Year, everybody!

Bill Gates bought the rights to Dr. Feynman’s Messenger Lecture series, The Character of Physical Law, and has made them available to the public at Project Tuva. I may well be the last person to know about this, but I’m enjoying the series (and the nifty supplemental material!) so much that I’m posting about it anyway. All you homeschooling moms teaching physics (cough, cough, Tressa, cough) should check it out if you haven’t already.

Thanks you, Mr. Gates. You’re a peach.